They were given me by Claudio.

“So this guy Shakespeare, he says to me, he says, ‘I’m gonna put you in my masterwork. This play, Hamlet, is going to be the best I’ve ever written and you, Claudio, you will make a little appearance.’
I don’t mind telling you, I got a little excited. Is he going to make me a king? A priest? A noble pirate? I stayed up, staring at my ceiling, imagining what sort of character I might be. I was all pumped up when the show final opened and I got to find out what character he meant me to be.
At first I thought maybe he’d made me the murderous king, but his name is Claudius. Which is close but not quite. I would have been happy with that, though, even if he is the bad guy.
But then the messenger says this and it turns out I’m just a guy who gets handed a message and passes that message to a messenger. All offstage. I mean….a year or two ago, he named the young lover after me. I thought it would at least be as good as that.
We’re going to have to have a little chat. I’m going to push for a juicier part in the next one – like a guy who goes to prison or has his life threatened or something. I’m not saying I’m going to do that to Mr. Shakespeare – but he’s got a lot of nerve. I’m not even a real character in Hamlet. Just a name.”

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