But what of that?

Seems like, while taking a long trip on the train, my iTunes chooses the songs that are most likely to trigger a nostalgic response. There is one that I didn’t even know I had on mp3 – because I didn’t even think I had it on a CD, because I had it on tape – because it’s from over twenty years ago. Maybe 25. And I hear it and it flips my heart right over – makes me feel like I’m 16 and riding in my friend’s car through the wintery Virginia woods.

All week, I’ve been rehearsing leaving my lover. Then a love song he wrote starts playing through my earbuds. He didn’t even write it for me but still it makes me gasp. It’s horrible to consider leaving the man who wrote that beautiful hopeful song. Even if he himself isn’t feeling that hope or beauty at the moment. But he wrote that. I can’t go.

The shuffle function can be a landmine.


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