Whether ‘tis nobler in the mid to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them.

That outrageous fortune! She can’t be content just spinning her wheel, no, no, she has to get out the slings and arrows, too?

I picture Fortune sitting up on a rock somewhere, bored, with a stack of rocks and a pile of arrows and when she sees someone go by, she just picks up her bow and starts firing arrows at them. When she gets tired of the arrows, she reaches for her slingshot and chucks a bunch of stones at them.

And while she’s having fun, she won’t switch targets. She won’t care if they’ve had more than they can take, she’ll just keep firing. Like Tig Notaro’s last few years with the illness, followed by the sudden death of her mother, followed by another illness, followed by a break-up, followed by breast cancer in both breasts.

Arrow arrow arrow stone stone stone
And there would appear to be no way to stop it. The option here is to take up arms and oppose the onslaught by ending yourself, since there’s not a chance in hell you’d ever get close enough to Fortune herself to make her stop. There’s a sea of trouble between you and while her arrows can fly over it and strike you in the heart, your arrows would fall in and disappear before you cleared the shore. Hopefully there are more options on the table than suffering and ending. Hopefully you could find a way to interest Fortune enough to distract her from firing at you.


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