I will tell you why.

Fact is, I usually can tell you why, though I rarely do. My armchair psychoanalysis is mostly unasked for and would likely be unwelcome in most cases. Whether or not I actually know why is another thing but I really think I do. I won’t say much but I’m watching and filing away all kinds of behaviors out there in the world. Sometimes it makes me anxious and uncomfortable, sometimes it’s reassuring – It helps explain why someone is an asshole rather than just having to respond to the asshole behavior.

The times I get really wound up are the times I cannot explain. Those two years I spent so lonely and miserable were partly so miserable because I could not explain why. I wanted an explanation of what it was for – some good in all the unhappiness, but I never found it and the absence of the why was the worst of all of it. I like for things to have reasons. But there isn’t a reason for everything, is there?

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