I have tools for these moments when I look at the prompt for the day and begin to balk. When the voice kicks in and starts shouting, “Why are we still doing this stupid project that no one cares about but YOU?! This line is impossible, they’re all impossible lately and when have you ever written anything interesting in this context. . .” and so on.
I have things I can do.
First I started drawing my spirals. (The voice says, “You always do these spirals now. You think this is going to help?!”) I did them with more discipline today, the lines closer to each other, the lines steadier. And I thought of Lynda Barry who I learned them from (indirectly, through my friend, Matilda.) I saw Lynda Barry’s course on-line this morning. It’s on Neuroscience but it features doodling and drawing and it looks amazing. I loved the pictures that her students colored as they listened to the scientist talking. I can feel the wax on the paper when I look at them, silly though they might be. When I get home, I might do some coloring. That’s one of the tools.