See you now –

Neither mirrors nor photographs ever accurately reflect the self I think I am. In photographs from the current moment, I see someone I don’t know. Someone I find shockingly ugly, fat, unattractive, disheveled and/or at odds with her world. But I remember looking at photographs of myself when I was 17 and feeling exactly the same way – photographs that I can look at now and see completely differently. From my 30 something eyes, I see a beautiful 17 year old and remember the 17 year old who couldn’t see the same image that way at all.
“We act according to our self-image” and we act in response to images, too. Imagining that a photograph or mirror is reflecting an objective view is just that. . .imagining.
So I try now to imagine the self exactly as I sense it. I lie on the floor feeling each limb and line, noticing where it touches the floor and where it leaves and this is the real seeing – even if it is not with the eyes.

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