The Hamlet Project

When I got nervous
My chest would turn both pale and red
A sort of splotchy anger rose to the surface of my skin
Revealing all I had been attempting to hide. The blotches would often elicit a gasping concern
From the people around me –
The other auditioners or the speech contestants.
This is how I discovered the curiosity of my biology.
I looked down to what those competitors were pointing at
With their hands over their mouths
To see what they saw.
It was a while before I could answer
Without looking down
Before I could say “Oh, it’s fine. I just get splotchty when I get nervous.” This sort of physical transparency of my vulnerability, my emotional state
Laid bare for all to see
Sometimes made me feel cursed –
Especially in those moments
In which I was meant to be portraying beauty.
I took some pride in this part of my body
So to find it marred,
Disfigured by my emotions
Began a long battle between me and my emotions.
My betrayers , My gossipy tattle tale emotions
Leaking out wherever they could find a way
From the pale red of my chest
To the unstoppable tears in the face of someone’s cruelly
To the hunched shoulders of a girl protecting it all.