I wish this story was real so that there would be physical evidence, so that these letters might be discovered somewhere and their contents revealed. Then we’d know why it was letters not a letter.

Did the pirates get their good turn? Did they ask for it in time? Was it a favor in the future or something Hamlet could do for them as soon as they set him back on Denmark’s shores?

I picture them turning up in the final scene – all ready to capitalize on their favor from the prince. They’re all pirated up with peglegs and parrots and kerchiefs and swords. They’ve made their way from the dock to the castle – passed the players on their way out. And then they get to the castle and find that their favor is dead on the ground.

The Tragedy of Hamlet, from the pirates perspective.
A Yo Ho Ho Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

I’m thinking, again, about the women who became pirates. In the times they lived, there were so few choices for women. It was becoming subject to marriage or becoming subject to the church as a nun or becoming subject to a madam as a prostitute. It was a world of submission – and the only choice was who you chose to submit to.

But a pirate is subject to no one. Not even the country where they were born. A pirate is outside the structure. A pirate is such an outsider, there are no rules – and in that lawlessness, might come freedom. Women who became pirates knew what they did, I’d wager.

I can’t believe there’s never been a hit rock band called Thieves of Mercy. I mean…that’s a band name that just SOUNDS like a hit. Like a metal band? Maybe metal isn’t so popular anymore though. I don’t know. I’d definitely name a band this though maybe not MY band – because the sort of music I make doesn’t really sound like Thieves of Mercy. But if I had a metal band…or a…I don’t know a hippie rock band? Anything that has a sort of subversive rebel quality. And long scraggly hair. And allows for geeky literary references.

I’m writing this at a bar/restaurant where I am eating and drinking by myself. The waiter brought two glasses of water because he just assumed, as a lady, that I had someone joining me. It is not a normal thing for a woman to go out at night on her own.
And then I think about this line. And if Hamlet was a woman. And how if Hamlet was a woman (not just played by a woman – but an actual woman) everyone would be pretty worried about her being the only prisoner on a pirate ship. A woman taken as the only prisoner becomes vulnerable in ways that we never worry about a man. Of course, a male prisoner could be raped as well. I’m sure it happens. And I’m sure it’s horrible. But there’s a way where a man being taken prisoner suggests a relatively simple relationship. He’s just been taken prisoner.
If a woman is taken prisoner…we just assume that she’s gonna get raped or at least sexually assaulted. And that is rape culture, still ticking away in all of us.
Even me, here, having a glass of cider and a rice bowl in a bar in Seattle. Am I asking for it? Of course not. But no woman ever is.

This is the bit that makes me suspicious of this pirate fight. This line makes it sound as if the pirate ship was the captured one – that it was under siege and then got away. But wait – the “they” and the “our” become mixed up in this grapple.

Our ship is probably the pirate ship, because of Hamlet’s presence on it. They are probably the Danish ship folk. So – the thing that happens is that the Danish ship got clear of the Pirate ship, which Hamlet is on, by himself. So it’s not, as I previously imagined, that Hamlet gets on the pirate ship and the pirate ship just abandons its quarry, it’s that the Danish ship gets away and Hamlet is left on board the Pirate one.

I mean – maybe. Hamlet is certainly not being as clear as he can be in telling this story. I think there is likely good reason for this confusion.

You know things are bad on the boat you’re on when climbing on board a pirate ship seems like a good solution. I mean, pirates are not known for their fair and just treatment of stowaways. Or guys with swords who got on their ship to fight them? We don’t really know the circumstances.
But we do know that Hamlet is on a trip to England he doesn’t want to make with his “friends” who he knows are delivering his death warrant. There aren’t a whole lot of ways out of this situation. Jumping on a pirate ship seems rather reasonable in that case.

However, I find I am suspicious of these pirates who just happen to turn up and just happen to take only Hamlet prisoner. I mean. Hamlet’s crafty. He could have sent a message to the pirates that he’d give them a hefty bounty if they attacked his ship. I wouldn’t put it past him to set up this fortunate circumstance.

A pirate? Not a pirate ship.
Or SOME pirates. But A PIRATE.
We know, though, that it’s not just one – because he later calls them THEY. So.

UNLESS!
What if it were nongendered pirate?! How awesome would that be? A non gender binary pirate in war-like gear? A fierce bad-ass non-gender conforming pirate?
I know that there is a fun and exciting history of female pirates. Many women I know have found great inspiration and strength in the knowledge of their existence. It would be a pretty sweet bonus if there were also an ungendered pirate and they got a shout out in one of the great works in Western literature.

I know Horatio has to read this out loud for the benefit of the audience. We need to hear it to understand what happened to Hamlet. But the sailors don’t need to hear it. So it’s funny that he reads this aloud to them, especially since he probably suspects that it is from Hamlet and a level of secrecy is likely required. But he reads this to sailors who aren’t even sure of his name. It is an odd choice if you take the theatre factor out.