This is my plan for the current horrifying political moment. I’m going apart. I am seeking out two of my wisest friends (among many wise friends these two live in the same geographic region, close to one another but far from me.) In dark times, they both give me comfort and great wisdom. It has been too long – too far, too impossible to see them before now. But now. now I will draw close to my wisest friends because I need them more than ever.

In addition to being a murderer and manipulator, Claudius is also a dick. I mean. This is a dick move. Even more accurately, it is a narcissistic move. Insinuating himself into Laertes’ grief for his sister? I mean. It’s so ridiculously about him – and given the current political moment, I can’t help but imagine Claudius as our Toddler in Chief –our Chief Narcissist. Our Egomaniac Elect. This feels like something he would do…watch a man’s heart breaking and insist on his right to commune with him.

While I COULD buy that Claudius is upset about Polonius’ death, he doesn’t actually seem too bereaved. His principle response when he heard the news was to think of himself and how it might have been him. This is the first mention of any actual grief for the man – for this chief advisor. So while he MIGHT have felt some grief for Polonius’ death, this is the first we’re hearing about it – so this grief seems more like a performance of grief than any actual feelings.

It’s interesting that this line works on Laertes. There is a tiny hint of patronizing in it – calling Laertes a child really shouldn’t work. But I suppose in reminding Laertes of his status as the child of Polonius, the aspect of calling him a child gets subverted and Laertes has to accept the compliment of being a good child or deny being a gentleman. And this is how Claudius wins him over.

After putting on a show…
after weeks of rehearsal…
after eating many meals…
after a few drinks…
after the strike and the party…

Swoopstake! I know Claudius has said a lot of very important words here but they all fade into the background with a word like SWOOPSTAKE there in the middle. I mean…SWOOPSTAKE!
It’s like sweepstake but past tense? Or like sweepstake but with more movement?
My god English was exciting when it was in this uncodified stage! SWOOPSTAKE.
It is so much fun to say or to write or even just think!
Maybe I should get a cat and name it SWOOPSTAKE, then I could say it everyday.
“Come here, Swoopstake! Here’s your dinner, Swoopstake! Swoopstake, have you caught a mouse?”
Swoopstake, yeah.

Oh ho. The king has switched from “thou” to “you.”
What has caused this shift from informal to formal language? Is this a signal of respect? Is the king, by calling Laertes “you” all of a sudden, signaling that he is treating Laertes’ potential threat of taking the crown seriously? Is this a leveling of the playing field? A status move? It is a good one. And it works.

Could we fill up on questions? If food was short – could we drop question after question into our bellies? Or rather drop question after question into others until we were full? I suppose it’s the answers that might fill us up.

Of all the one word sentences there are, this has got to be one of the best.

One word lines remind me of Open Scenes…a series of scenes with dialogue without a clear meaning. They are often used in acting and directing classes as a training technique. Open scenes are often full sentences but one could easily have one made up entirely of one word lines. And this one would make an impact every single time. Mostly due to its meaning but the sound, too, has a nice stop in it.

You know what, man? Maybe shut up. Maybe shut up for a minute so us ladies can speak. Maybe we’ve had enough of your speaking for a lifetime. Your 5000 years are up.